By Josh Samuel, Assistant Director of the Lower School, Hackley School
Some years ago, Hackley invited independent school experts Robert Evans and Michael Thompson to lead a discussion about the importance of the parent-teacher relationship during a professional development day. The gathering was an inspiring opportunity to highlight all the ways in which families and schools are united in one shared goal: the academic and personal growth of each individual child. It was invigorating.
As both a parent and an educator, I’ve experienced the full range of emotions that often accompany parent-teacher conferences. My respect for the teaching profession runs deep, and I understand how essential it is for families and educators to work together as a team. I’ve always strived to approach parent-teacher meetings with an open heart and an open mind, whether in the role of a parent or a teacher, even if it’s not always perfectly executed. And I’ve found that being open-minded and humble can make all the difference in ensuring meaningful conversations.
Assistant Director of the Lower School Josh Samuel with the fourth grade teaching team and students at their Recognition Ceremony in June 2024.
I’ve shared with students over the years that the best way to ensure positive outcomes is to follow one simple rule: Listen to hear rather than listening to speak. And so I share the same with you — the best outcomes arise when both parties listen to understand, rather than simply preparing a response.
At Hackley, we believe in working with parents. Parents and teachers may not always agree on every approach, but when we assume positive intent — especially during the toughest of conversations — and come to the table with open hearts and minds, the partnership is stronger for it.
Our mission statement is not a marketing device; it’s a promise we make to families. You can also look at it as a shared goal between parents and students and those who work on the Hilltop.
Second grade teacher Meghan Barr connects with students during recess.
In my 21 years of teaching and my first year as an administrator, I’ve learned that parents often just want to be heard, and it’s important to remember that communication is a two-way street. As imperfect people, we sometimes bring our own filters to conversations, which can lead to miscommunication.
Building strong relationships requires humility and active listening from both sides.
This partnership is essential not just for the vital role of the teacher-parent relationship but also, most importantly, for the success of our students.
In the 2024 edition of their book, Hopes and Fears: Strengthening the Relationship with Today’s Independent School Parents, Evans and Thompson highlight the concept of “flashpoints,” moments when parents may feel concern about their child’s development. These “flashpoints” often reflect normal developmental stages that teachers are accustomed to but may feel alarming to parents. They can manifest in multiple ways, like executive functioning setbacks, behavioral impulses or social challenges, just to name a few. Recognizing these flashpoints and addressing them with open communication is key to navigating challenges and deepening the parent-teacher bond.
Parents and teachers cheer on students as they learn about different world cultures at the Lower School’s biannual Trip Around the World.
I remember a moment from when my oldest daughter was in third grade. I was worried about her focus and attention in class, and I shared my concern with her teacher. Her teacher had a different opinion; with a more measured perspective, she assured me that my daughter was simply on the younger side and needed more time. As a teacher, I had seen this developmental phase many times, but as a parent, my concern took over. That flashpoint reminded me of the importance of trusting the teacher’s expertise and keeping an open line of communication. Trust is vital, and when it’s shaken, it’s essential to prioritize honest communication and take small, consistent steps to rebuild the relationship.
When a parent perceives a behavioral issue, they may react in different ways and they may seek immediate solutions. During flashpoints, it is critical to build upon the parent-teacher relationship. At Hackley, we strive to foster conversations where we can share perspectives, explain the context, and work collaboratively to find solutions. Trust and transparency are the foundation of this process. Through consistent and honest communication, we can navigate these flashpoints together, keeping the student’s best interest at the heart of every discussion. This embodies our motto, United, We Help One Another — because our community is at its strongest when we work together.
We are a small but mighty community! Let’s use that to our advantage to continue nurturing strong partnerships. My experience as both a parent and an educator has taught me that when we come together with understanding, empathy and a willingness to collaborate, we create a foundation that benefits everyone involved. Parent-teacher relationships hold immense potential when built on mutual trust and respect. As we continue our journey together, let’s embrace each opportunity to strengthen our partnership, keeping our students at the heart of everything we do.
About the author: Josh Samuel is in his first year as Assistant Director of the Lower School. He previously served eight years as a third and fourth grade lead teacher at Hackley. Josh held many other roles throughout his tenure on the Hilltop, including serving as faculty representative to the Board, co-director of the Associate Teacher Program, co-chair of the Mission & Culture Committee for NYSAIS accreditation, and member of the Strategic Plan Committee.
